In our daily hustle to keep up, avoid discomfort, and maintain the facade of a perfectly managed life, we often fall into hidden traps of avoidance. 

These behaviors, masked as productivity or self-care, are actually our subconscious ways of running from the issues that need our attention most. 

Avoidance is a natural response to fear and anxiety, but it keeps us stuck and unfulfilled. At the core, avoidance is about fear—fear of facing what's inside us. 

It might seem like these distractions give us a break from reality, but they're actually holding us back, keeping us stuck in a cycle where we're not really living, just existing. 

And it's not just about our personal space or time; we let avoidance seep into our relationships, allowing the issues we refuse to address to build up until they're insurmountable.

Are you making any of these most common mistakes women make that only end up keeping us stuck?

The Great Escape (But unfortunately not the beach kind…)

You find yourself burdened by the weight of issues that aren't yours to bear, enduring behaviors and actions you don't deserve, all because you haven't set the boundary that should protect you. 

We all crave a world where hurt people don't hurt people, but the harsh reality is that change begins with us. It starts with standing up for ourselves, refusing to let others' unresolved issues justify the wounds they inflict upon us.

We've all been there, haven't we?

Using every trick in the book to avoid dealing with our emotions—because, let's be honest, sometimes facing our true selves can be downright terrifying.

Signs You're Engaging in Avoidance Without Even Realizing It

• Emotional Overflow: You know that feeling when suddenly everything hits you all at once? It's like your emotions have been stacking up, and now there's a tidal wave crashing over you. That's not just intense; it's a sign you've been stashing those feelings away.

• Reactive Instead of Reflective: Ever snap at someone before you've even had a moment to think? That knee-jerk reaction is more than just a bad mood; it's a hint that you're dodging deeper reflection.

• Irritation Over Minor Incidents: Getting overly upset over the little things isn't just a sign of a bad day; it's often your emotions trying to tell you there's a pile-up needing attention.

• Difficulty Identifying Feelings: You struggle to pinpoint exactly what you're feeling, making it hard to address these emotions effectively. Struggling to figure out what you're feeling is like trying to navigate without a map. It's frustrating and often means you're avoiding getting to the heart of your emotional landscape.

• Overwhelmed by Quietness: If the thought of sitting quietly with your thoughts sends you into a panic, it's not the silence that's the issue—it's what you're trying to drown out.

• Discomfort with Others' Emotions: Feeling uneasy when others share their feelings? It might be easier to avoid these moments because they mirror the emotional work you're sidestepping.

• Cyclical Coping Mechanisms: You find yourself repeatedly turning to the same behaviors to cope with stress, without feeling any relief afterward. Reaching for that glass of wine or binge-watching your favorite show again? If it feels like you're going in circles, it's because these habits are more about avoidance than relief.

• Numbing Strategies: Overspending, drinking, or scrolling mindlessly are not just bad habits; they're your brain's way of saying, "Let's not deal with this right now."

• Constant Busyness: You keep yourself perpetually busy to the point of exhaustion to avoid facing your emotions. If you can't remember the last time you weren't 'busy,' it's worth asking what feelings or thoughts you're running from.

• Hyperfocus on Others: Diving into everyone else's problems but your own? It's easier to fix the world than face what's going on inside, isn't it?

Rewiring Our Responses

Avoidance tactics—whether it's busying ourselves to numb the pain, jumping from one distraction to another, or hiding behind a mask of perfection—are just temporary fixes that bury our issues deeper. They turn us into imposters in our own lives, constantly running but getting nowhere. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that the path to true healing and self-discovery isn't through avoidance but through facing the hard truths of our emotional landscapes head-on.

But here’s the thing: You have the power to break this cycle. It’s not about making your surroundings spotless or filling every silence with noise; it's about courageously facing the mess within, acknowledging that it’s the only path to true peace and healing.

Therapist-Backed Strategies to Overcome Avoidance

In working with countless women who are navigating the tricky paths of avoidance, I've identified strategies that consistently make a real difference. These aren't just tips; they are practical steps grounded in therapeutic insights designed to directly confront and manage avoidance behaviors.

1. Conduct an Emotional Audit

An emotional audit involves a comprehensive review of your emotional landscape to understand the sources and triggers of your avoidance behaviors. Start by journaling daily about your feelings, especially when you notice avoidance patterns emerging. Identify the emotions leading up to the moment of avoidance: Are you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or perhaps inadequate? By mapping out these emotions regularly, you'll begin to notice patterns and triggers. This self-awareness is the first step toward change, providing insights into why you resort to avoidance and guiding you toward addressing the root causes rather than just the symptoms.

Practical Step: Each evening, spend a few minutes reflecting on moments you felt compelled to avoid something. Write down what you were feeling before the avoidance and any thoughts that accompanied these feelings. Look for patterns over time.

2. Construct Your Avoidance Map

Building an avoidance map means visually charting out your avoidance behaviors alongside their triggers and consequences. Use a large piece of paper or a digital tool to create a flowchart that begins with triggers (such as certain tasks, emotional states, or social situations), followed by the avoidance behavior you engage in, and ending with the consequences of this behavior (both immediate and long-term). This map will not only make your patterns of avoidance clearer but also illustrate the negative impact these behaviors have on your life, motivating you toward confronting and altering these patterns.

Practical Step: Create a chart with columns for triggers, avoidance behaviors, and consequences. Fill it in over a week or month. Visualizing these connections can make it easier to identify where changes are needed.

3. Ascend the 'Why' Ladder

The 'Why' Ladder is a technique used to dig deeper into the reasons behind your avoidance behaviors. For every reason you identify for avoiding something, ask yourself "Why?" again, going deeper each time. This process helps to uncover the fundamental fears or beliefs at the heart of your avoidance, such as fear of failure, rejection, or not being good enough. Understanding these core issues is crucial for developing more effective coping strategies that address these underlying concerns.

Practical Step: Start with a statement of avoidance, such as "I avoid starting new projects." Ask "Why?" and write down the answer. Keep asking "Why?" to each response until you feel you've reached the root cause.Consumed in the Overwhelm of Starting?

If after reading through these strategies you’re still feeling a bit overwhelmed about where to start or how to implement them, I want to offer you something special—a path forward that not only educates but empowers you to apply these strategies effectively. It’s something I’ve meticulously designed for individuals just like you, who are ready to confront and navigate through the maze of avoidance towards a life of authenticity and empowerment.

Unmasking Avoidance: The Pathway to Authentic Healing and Growth

Tackling avoidance head-on can feel like an uphill battle, especially if you're unsure where to begin or how to apply these strategies in your daily life. That's precisely why I've developed a specialized opportunity designed to guide you through this transformative process.

Are you ready to make this commitment to yourself?

Your Next Brave Step

If you're ready to take control of your life and break free from the cycle of self-sabotage, grab my self study course the Ultimate Self-Sabotage Solution Program+ Implementation Toolkit.

Led by licensed therapist Joyce Agne, this workshop will provide you with practical tools, strategies, and personalized support to overcome self-sabotage and create lasting change.

Get my entire step by step implementation program & toolkit for just $97 and gain lifetime access to all replays and resources.  (VALUED AT OVER $1997)

Learn exactly how to FIND YOUR BREAKTHROUGH in 6 easy steps so you can walk away with a customized action plan that fits into your busy life!

• What's included:

• Comprehensive Self-Study Course: Walk through all six steps of the Ultimate Self-Sabotage Solution at your own pace

• Step-by-Step Action Takers Guide: Practical, easy-to-follow steps to keep you on track including where to start and common mistakes to avoid

• Implementation Toolkit: Exercises, templates, and comprehensive guides for each step.

• Breakthrough Implementation Strategies Workbook- trackers, dashboards, and techniques to fast track your way to breakthrough self-sabotage

• 6 Months Live Support: Get all your questions answered during 6 monthly live Q&A calls (or pre-submit questions if you can't make it live)

• Lifetime Access: Review materials at your own pace, whenever you need

• BONUSES:

• Beat the Overwhelm Guide: Strategies to help you manage and overcome feelings of overwhelm

• Step-by-Step Guide to Identifying Triggers: Detailed instructions to help you pinpoint and address your triggers effectively.

• Emotional Safety Guide for Inner Work: Grounding techniques & tools to create a safe and supportive environment for your emotional journey.