Ditch the 'Shoulds': A Woman’s Real, Raw Guide to Reclaiming Identity and Emotional Well-Being
Ever feel like there's an unwritten rulebook on how to be a woman?
You know what I'm talking about – those silent expectations that somehow dictate everything from the way you should act to the emotions you're 'allowed' to express. This isn't just about ticking off tasks; it's about the weight of these invisible rules that shape who we are, often without us even realizing it.
My journey through this maze of 'shoulds' and 'supposed tos' isn't just something I read about – I've lived it, and I see it every day. I remember my grandma, always putting others first, her own dreams tucked away.
And my mom? She was like a chameleon, always changing to suit everyone else, losing a bit of herself each time.
I’ve been there too, trying to fit into these molds, and let me tell you, it’s a heavy load to carry.
Enough with the 'Perfect Woman' Myth
These expectations aren't just a bunch of rules; they're like stories we've been told since we were little girls. Stories that tell us to be the perfect caregiver, to keep everyone happy, to be the superwoman at work, and to do it all without breaking a sweat. It's not just culture; it's in the little things we saw growing up, in movies, in our jobs – everywhere. And what’s the real cost? It's more than just getting things done. It's about how these stories weave into our self-worth, making us question ourselves at every turn.
Feeling like you're constantly trying to live up to some impossible standard is draining. It's like you're in a race where the finish line keeps moving. And what happens when your own dreams and desires don't fit into this neatly packaged box? It feels like you're losing yourself under layers of expectations that never really felt like yours to begin with.
Have you ever stopped to think about whose approval you're really seeking when trying to be the 'perfect woman'?"
The Real You vs. The 'Expected' You
This struggle isn’t just external; it’s internal, too. It’s about constantly chasing perfection, feeling guilty when you fall short, and that sinking feeling of never quite measuring up. It's a battle of identity where societal roles overshadow personal aspirations. The psychological toll is immense, often leading to burnout, anxiety, and a perpetual feeling of being trapped in a role that doesn't quite fit. It’s like you’re wearing a mask that shows the world what it wants to see, but underneath, you’re screaming for something that’s genuinely you.
Too many of us end up on paths that we didn’t choose out of passion but out of expectation. We’re taught to believe that these are the ‘right’ choices, but they often leave us feeling empty, as if we’re living someone else’s life.
We find ourselves pursuing careers or life paths not out of true purpose, but because they align with what they’ve been conditioned to believe is ‘right’ or ‘acceptable.’ Like going to college, getting married, having children- these are deeply personal decisions that we make, that all too often end up being dictated by others beliefs and timelines.
I never for a second regret my children or my path, because I know now what it has taught me and where it lead to, but I also know that I got married and had children out of expectation- moving back to my hometown, the friends I had, the man I married- they were my old wounds showing up, society’s expectations, and opinions of those closest to me calling the shots.
And that conflict between personal desires and societal expectations leads to a sense of loss of self, as if my true desires and identity were buried under layers of imposed roles and responsibilities. And let me tell you… it BROKE ME!
When You're Everyone's Rock but Your Own
And let’s talk about emotional labor – because it’s not just about keeping your own emotions in check. It’s about being the emotional shock absorber for everyone else, too. Think about those times you’ve put on a brave face to keep the peace, or toned yourself down at work to avoid being tagged as ‘difficult’. We’re often the glue in our personal lives and the smooth operators at work, but this balancing act is exhausting.
This emotional load ties right back into this feeling of never being enough, or sometimes, ironically, being too much. I’ve been down that road – smiling when I wanted to scream, shrinking myself to fit in. It’s a road many of us know all too well.
Tackling Worthiness Wounds: When You're Stuck Between 'Too Much' and 'Never Enough'
Have you ever been caught in the tug-of-war between feeling like you're never enough and yet somehow, at the same time, too much?
It's like you're constantly second-guessing yourself.
Am I doing enough?
Am I too emotional?
These doubts, these worthiness wounds, they're deep and they're real. They come from a place where society's voice is louder than our own, telling us to be less of this, more of that.
You know the drill: you're either pushing yourself to breaking point to prove you're enough, or you're toning yourself down because someone once told you you're too intense, too emotional, or too ambitious. It's like society has this goldilocks zone for women – don’t be too this or too that.
I've been there, trust me. Growing up,, I was always the outspoken one, constantly being told I was difficult or 'too much.' And then, as an adult, I swung the other way, feeling like I was never quite living up to expectations in my relationships, constantly worrying if I was good enough. It's a confusing and exhausting place to be.
Can you recall moments when you've suppressed your true feelings just to keep everything running smoothly?
The Real Impact of These Conflicting Feelings
When you're stuck in this 'not enough' mindset, it can drive you into perfectionism. You're hustling for worthiness, trying to tick all the boxes, yet always feeling a step behind. You push yourself to the brink, trying to prove your worth. On the flip side, that fear of being 'too much' can hold you back, make you shrink yourself and dim your light, just to fit in and not rock the boat. It's like you're constantly editing yourself. Dialing down your achievements, passions, and emotions, worried that you'll scare people off or be judged.
Relief for Worthiness Wounds is Possible
So, how do we start healing these wounds? First, it's about acknowledging them. Recognizing that this constant tug-of-war isn't about your true worth, but about these external pressures that have been piled on us. They're just echoes of societal expectations.
Then, it's about self-compassion. Understand that it's okay to feel this way – many of us do. It's giving yourself a break and realizing that these feelings are common and they don't define who you are or your value.
The real game-changer? Reclaiming your story. It's about writing a new narrative where your worth isn't measured by societal standards, but by your own values and strengths. This healing process is more than just patching up old wounds; it's about rewriting the rules, allowing ourselves to be fully and unapologetically us, without the fear of being too much or not enough.
As we work through these wounds, we edge closer to a topic that’s equally challenging and crucial – advocating for our emotional well-being. It's a path I've walked down, often with difficulty, but always with determination. And it's a journey I see mirrored in the lives of so many women around me.
Speaking Up About Our Emotional Health
In recent years, we've started talking more about mental health, but let's be real – the journey's far from easy, especially for women. Stepping up and saying, 'Hey, I need to look after my mental health,' can be a battlefield of support and judgment.
It's like there's an unwritten rule that women should keep their struggles to themselves. Trust me, I've been there. I grew up in a family where we kept our emotions under wraps, and I've worked places where speaking up about how I felt was a no-go. But breaking free from that silence? It's liberating.
How many times have you downplayed your own emotional needs to fit into the strong woman stereotype?
Facing the Double Standards
There's this weird double standard when it comes to women's emotional health. We see it everyday on social media, everyone's talking about self-care and mental health, but the minute you try to take a mental health day at work or set boundaries with your family, it's like you've broken some cardinal rule and the labels start flying. You're 'too emotional,’ ‘too sensitive,’ or 'not strong enough' and ‘can’t handle the pressure.’ It's this constant tug-of-war between what we're told is okay and what we actually experience.
Navigating Professional and Personal Challenges
In the workplace, it's like walking a tightrope. Ask for a mental health day, and you might be seen as not committed enough. It's like if you're not visibly sick, you don't really need a break. This kind of attitude can really hold you back, like when you're passed up for opportunities just because you're looking out for your well-being.
And it's not just at work. Ever felt judged by friends or family for putting yourself first? It's as if the moment you start setting boundaries, you're not doing your 'job' as a woman. Women who prioritize their emotional health all too often face criticism for not adhering to traditional roles, especially in caregiving. Choosing to set boundaries, such as saying no to additional responsibilities or asking for support, can strain relationships with partners, family, and friends.
And this isn't just about individual perceptions; it's a reflection of how we, as a society, still undervalue women's emotional labor. These conversations can get really uncomfortable, especially when they challenge long-held beliefs about what women should be like.
Ripping Up the Rulebook on Being a Woman
Things are changing.
More and more women are speaking up, and slowly, society's beginning to listen.
We are standing up and saying, 'Hey, my mental health matters.'
It's not about being defiant; it's about being healthy.
It's about pushing back against those outdated stereotypes and building a world where taking care of your mental health is seen not as a weakness but as a strength.
And the more we speak up, the more we can change this narrative.
Unpacking the Emotional Baggage of 'Should'
For me, challenging these norms is personal. Watching my mom lose herself in what others expected and feeling that pressure in my own life made me realize we've got to start questioning these 'rules.' Why should we live by standards that don't fit us? It's about peeling back these layers, finding out who we really are beneath all those 'shoulds' and 'musts.'
Breaking free from these narratives and dismantling these expectations starts with recognition. Rediscovering one’s identity involves peeling back these layers of imposed narratives and connecting with what truly resonates with you, at the core. This involves critical reflection on the source of these expectations and questioning their validity in one’s life. It’s about giving yourself permission to deviate from these norms and exploring what truly aligns with your authentic self. Challenging societal expectations is not an act of rebellion; it’s an act of self-liberation and authenticity.
The Dangers of Ignoring the Invisible Load
Let’s get real about what happens when we keep carrying this invisible load without a break. It's like constantly running on empty, and over time, it takes a toll. You know that feeling when you're just going through the motions, feeling drained and emotionally spent? That's what we're talking about here. It's not just feeling tired; it's that deep-down exhaustion where you start to lose a bit of yourself.
You might notice it when you snap at your kids for something small, or when you can't remember the last time you actually laughed and meant it. Physically, you're there, but mentally? You're a million miles away. This isn’t just about being busy; it's about losing touch with what makes you, you. It’s when Sunday night dread turns into everyday dread, and the thought of another week feels like too much. This is the real cost of ignoring that load – it's not just about being stressed; it’s about losing the joy in your life.
How to Identify and Determine the Emotional Toll of Societal Expectations
1. Reflect on Your Daily Decisions: Ask yourself, are you making choices because they're what you want, or because they're what you feel you're supposed to want?
2. Listen to Your Inner Voice: When you feel that pinch of discomfort or resentment, it's a signal. Maybe you're moving away from your true self.
3. Evaluate Your Roles: Look at the roles you play in life. Do they align with your passions and values, or are they just roles you feel obligated to fill?
Reclaiming YOU: Beyond Society's Script
As we wrap up this journey of unburdening and reclaiming our true selves, remember that this is just the beginning.
When did you last question the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ that have silently dictated your life choices?
This whole conversation isn’t just theoretical for me. It's personal. It’s what I’ve lived, what my mom lived, and what so many women around us are living every day. It’s about the late-night worries, the silent sacrifices, and the strength it takes to keep going.
But here’s the thing: We can change this narrative. We have the power to reshape what it means to be a woman on our own terms. It’s about taking all these pressures, all these expectations, and saying, 'No more. This is my life, and I’m going to live it on my terms.' It's about finding that spark again, that joy and passion that got buried under all the 'shoulds' and 'musts.'
So are you ready to drop the act and start living a life that truly feels like yours? No more feeling lost, overwhelmed, or like you’re constantly falling short. It’s time for you to take back control and rediscover what makes you happy – on your terms. And I have the map you need to find your way back to your true self.
Your Step-by-Step Roadmap Back to Your True Self
My membership program The ReWilding Collective, is where I found my purpose- to ensure no woman has to navigate this path alone or has to hit a breaking point as the sign to make a change.
This isn't just another program; it's your pathway to shake off those heavy chains of self-sabotage and the relentless pressure to be someone you’re not. Here, we dive into the nitty-gritty of why you feel like an imposter in your own life and what to do about it. We heal the patterns holding you back and break the cycles keeping you stuck so you can build a life that sets their soul on fire!
Imagine facing your days without that inner critic constantly whispering you’re not enough.
Picture building relationships where you're valued for being unapologetically you.
Think about finally feeling in control of your emotions, rather than them controlling you.
That's what we do in The ReWilding Collective.
I'm inviting you to join an inner circle of women who are just as done with the façade as you are. Women who are no longer willing to hide their struggles behind a mask of 'everything’s fine.'
Guided by myself- a therapist who’s been there too and is still on this ever-evolving journey of rewilding too.
By joining our waitlist for the December 2023 enrollment, you're taking a step towards a life where you can genuinely breathe, laugh, and thrive without the weight of others' expectations.
As a waitlist member, you'll gain access to exclusive bonuses, offers, and be the first to know when the doors open. This is your chance to turn the page, to step into a life where you're not just coping but thriving, where every day is a step closer to the true you.
Are you ready to rewild your life?
To rediscover your passions, heal your wounds, and build a life where you shine unapologetically?
